Do You Know the Way?

It needs to be somebody's job to welcome newcomers to the area and fill them in on the identifications we 'old-timers' use for the locations of landmarks. The offspring of the 'old-timers' use the same seemingly nonsensical names, too, because they grew up hearing them. What are newbies to do when directions like the following are the references they hear?

*"Oh, you know, take the one-way around the horse pasture, then make a left." Umm, NOW it is a big empty mowed lot WITHOUT a fence and WITHOUT a horse. I don't even know the name of that street. It is across Summit from that crazy five-way stop. What I thought was Ball Park Road is actually Country Lane - yes, the VFW is on Country Lane. The Ball Park Road apparently starts at the bridge over Quick Creek behind the high school and goes to Summit, but I will have to check the signs to see if it remains Ball Park Road behind Grieb Park. Later. For now, it is the one-way around the horse pasture. Works for me.

*"It's in the shopping center where Big Star is." How long now has that grocery been Harps? I know it's Harps. I shop there. Doesn't stop my saying or hearing a reference to Big Star now and then, though.

*"It's on the new highway." Forty-five years later it is still the new highway. 'IT' is 160 E. Around 1975 the new one opened. It eliminated a couple of bad s-curves and heavy traffic over narrow bridges over Logan Creek between town and JJ. It isn't even very long. But it is till new. The old highway is now chopped up into segments with numbers for names. Took me forever to learn the one for my part of the old road.

*"Across from Hobo's." That's how one locates the soccer fields or directs someone to Inman Feed. The store has a sign, no problem. There are goal posts in the soccer field. Easy. But find something that says Hobo's. You won't, but WE know that is RRR.

*"At Northend." That is the neck-of-the-woods at the Quick Connection intersection, where the flashing red light used to be. That was our only traffic light for a long time. Now we have the McDonald's intersection, with 'real' traffic lights. If McDonald's ever moves...yep, some of us will still call it the McDonald's intersection.

I don't know who programs GPS, but this might explain why visitors have issues within the city limits. Those programmers might need to consult an old-timer to get it done right. It is a job for a human - not Artificial Intelligence.

It also needs to be somebody's job to remind me not to be absent-minded. Have you ever done this? Pull up to your house and decide you want to gather ALL your stuff that needs to go in and do it in ONE trip? One by one I can gather a bag or two from Big Star, one from the NEW Fred's (not Fried's anymore, but...), the book I am reading, my computer bag, the empty cup to throw away, the mail, my purse and have my house key in one hand ready and the car door open - then realize my seat-belt is still on at the same time I realize the need for the bathroom is URGENT!! Artificial intelligence might be okay for this one. Cars talk these days anyway. It could remind me to unbuckle the seat belt first thing. I got the rest.